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One caution though: even if the survivor moves, they will need to work intensely on blocking internal recontact programming at the same time, or they may be quickly reaccessed. Trainers will often send the person’s system codes and grids over the internet to cult groups in the new city, and will try to send someone who physically resembles the trainer or a family member to initiate contact with the survivor. Internal communication and letting inside alters know that they can change their jobs will help. Reward internal reporters for changing allegiance and committing to keep the survivor safe. The cult used to reward them for doing their job; now the survivor can reward them for changing jobs. Develop new interests, work or hobbies that can help the survivor meet new, safe people. The survivor may want to practice friendship skills in support groups, as long as they are run by reputable, safe therapists. Be aware that holiday dates are often important dates for reaccessing. Calendars are available that show important holidays for SRA groups. Birthdays are also dates when the individual is expected to return and there may be programming surrounding this. Callback programming (where the person is given a specific date or holiday when they are to return to the cult, or be punished) may need to be broken as well. Allowing the alters who went through the programming to share their memories, acknowledging their needs, and trying to meet those needs in healthy ways will bring healing. The survivor will need to go through a period of grieving for loss of contact with family members and friends in the cult. No matter how abusive, how disliked, it can be very difficult to cut off with perpetrators, especially if they were the only people close to the survivor. The survivor needs to acknowledge the difficulty of creating a new, healthy, cultless support group. The survivor needs to recognize that learning new skills and developing healthy friendships will take time. One issue often brought up by survivors is: how much do I tell others about my past? This is an individual decision that the survivor and therapist need to look at together. In general though, caution in sharing is best, since sharing too much about the survivor’s past may draw the wrong people to them. These people may be dysfunctional, or possible cult members. It is usually best to base new, non cult friendships on healthy aspects of the person at first and very gradually share small bits of information as the friendship progresses, and sharing seems appropriate. With time and opportunities, the survivor will learn the importance of appropriate boundaries and will want healthier relationships in their life. — 158 —
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